Like a lot of people who are into religion and spirituality, I did not favor earthly existence. I saw it as flawed, and I wished to escape.
The promise of heaven, the idea of escaping samsara, crossing the abyss, finding my true will, uniting The Christ and Sophia, overcoming the demiurge, defeating Satan or the Devil or whatever, really appealed to me. This promise of something outside of me being the answer to my problems.
I was involved with many religions along the way, and in my spiritual practices I began to notice something. No matter which one it was, if I found the answer, it merely birthed a new problem, a new religion, a new path, something else to pursue.
The desire for separation is the greatest desire.
And I’m not complaining about that, I’ve accepted it and realize that it’s the only answer, the only solution.
In my journey I began to see how Heaven and Hell are equal in value. I saw Heaven as mass delusion, and Hell as true solitude, but not really, because God can’t be avoided, even there.
There is only Separation, as it’s the greatest desire. Without separation there would be no self. Without separation, there would be no time, no change, no ebb and flow, no pros and cons, no choice or no illusion of choice, depending on your perspective.
When it comes to Heaven and Hell, sometimes it’s nice to be in Heaven, and sometimes it’s nice to be in Hell. But I wouldn’t want to be stuck in either one for too long. Maybe that’s what this idea of Freedom is, the ability to not be stuck in one interpretation of God or of the Self or of whatever else you want to call it. The ability to be OK with change, maybe that’s what freedom truly is, simply being ok with change.
All these religions promise something, they promise some form of escape from misery. I’m here to say there is no escape, the whole thing is us, me, you, we, whatever you want to call it. I can’t run away from who I am, whether that’s me, the identity or the creation I exist within. The only thing I can do is make peace with my adversary, which is sometimes just blatantly myself.
In peace there is then peace, until the desire for separation turns it back on again. That starts the next round, next chapter, next goal, next big thing, and whatever else it can be called.
If I can’t do that, make peace, everything is hell, even heaven, even the pure lands, even samadhi, and whatever else one labels this persuasion.
