I was meditating and in a pretty high state of consciousness. I found myself in a deep black abyss but witnessed these beams of light, similar to laser beams, but were solid like matter. I called them pillars of fire. One beam of light would press into another beam of light, and they would melt into each other creating a reaction, an explosion. I interpreted it, witnessed it as a war going on, what I saw as a meaningless war, with no real purpose.
It was an extremely eerie experience. Also, I felt like I had visited this place a thousand times before, that I knew this place.
Many months later I would search if there were any other people who had experienced these things and the closest I could get to it was that of the Aeons in the Gnostic Tradition. My interpretation changed from that of war to that of intercourse. I saw these beams of light being parts of God, God separating itself, and then mixing this part and that part as an experiment, as a way of creating a new product.
The feeling of meaninglessness to it all never left me. But I eventually found purpose in the meaninglessness, purpose in the fact that what else is there but to experiment, what else is there but to play with one’s self.
By my definition, how I define religion, everyone in existence has a religion. It may or may not be in the form of a collective, it might not be organized, but everyone has a relationship to some form of understanding. What is real, what is true, how should one live their life, how does one find meaning to existence. An understanding of what is important, some way of navigating life.
Furthermore, I don’t think anyone has a true choice in this. I lean towards the Calvinistic perspective, that this relationship is predetermined. There’s no real choice in the matter, we don’t get to choose what makes sense to us. It either makes sense or it doesn’t.
But I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what it is, that perspective, that religion, is ultimately meaningless. It’s just a formula to manufacture an existence, a life, a perspective. We then flow through life, like a leaf in a current. We have this experience or that experience, this epiphany or that realization, some form of meaning, unique and individualized to us, to our understanding within our relationship with what we could call God, whatever that is.
Though I say it is meaningless, is it truly pointless? It’s the only game in town. There is nothing else to do, but for God, which in my eyes is the individual in a different capacity, to play with itself.
And all of this inner conflict on what is the right religion or right path or right whatever. This too is just part of the game. Part of the show. Just another example of God playing with itself. For what else is there to do?
I’ve said before, the greatest desire is the desire for separation.
In my eyes this explains everything. It explains why we have all this arguing and conflict between different schools of thought, different religions, different ways of existing. We want to experience being separate, in whatever form that might play out.
We desire friction, in whatever form that plays out. Whether it’s suffering or the friction from intercourse. This desire for separation is the root cause of all existence.
But the foundation of it all, it’s merely a chemical reaction of light.
