During a deep meditation I was transported to another dimension where I found myself in a vast abyss. The bottom half was the color of a vanilla sky, with oranges, pinks, and pale whites. The top half was a dark violet. There in the far distance I saw a blue being flying through this abyss at great speeds, a contrail behind him. I was curious as to what was going on, so I zoomed in on him. He was screaming in a child-like voice, “O my god! O my god!” I understood that he was chasing god.
When I have these experiences, I always reflect on them from a solipsistic perspective, assuming it’s me trying to tell myself something. Maybe it’s me that’s chasing god…
I’ve been involved with different styles of meditation for many years. I’ve found that different meditations have different goals. I eventually invented my own called Harvesting. The idea behind harvesting is to consume and digest the energy between the two poles of the present identity, the energy between Fear and Desire.
It has been an interesting ride, this meditation. I’ve seen some cool things, at the same time, I’ve seen some difficult things. For example I might find that I embarrass myself or become that which I despise, as my persona shifts. The whole shadow self might appear with no boundaries within the ego to keep the persona in line, to keep it solidified.
I’ve used this practice to acquire information to solve problems, but sometimes when those problems were solved, I’d find myself having a breakdown because it shattered my previous convictions of how the world worked and what was wrong with it.
I got what I wanted but I had to lose a narrative, the story behind a problem, in the exchange.
In the grand scheme of things, I see meditation as that of a train that circles the globe. Where it begins is exactly where it ends. A giant loop.
Meditation is an accelerator, it speeds up the process of this travel. A problem or frustration that might last a few months, maybe a few years, maybe a lifetime or more normally, through meditation, one can move beyond it in a week, maybe a month or three.
Normal life ebbs and flows, there are ups and downs, this we know. This continues here too, but it’s also accelerated. Sometimes it can move so fast that 10 days fly by like 1.
As far as my meditation, though I think it’s a powerful one, I can’t say that I would recommend it to anyone. There’s a cost, like anything. To me, for the most part, it’s been worth it. I like seeing the change in my life, but it sometimes comes with negative circumstances to create those positive changes, and some of those circumstances have been very difficult.
In the grand scheme of things, the end just lines up to where it began. So does it really matter how fast one is traveling?
The problem with all of this stuff is that it never ends. Chasing God. If it were even possible to catch god, it would be an incredible let down, soul crushing in fact. All these meditations, in my eyes, are rooted in some form of discontent. Seeing something wrong with the present moment and wanting to either change it or change the self so that one feels different in the midst of it.
All dissatisfaction just leads to more dissatisfaction. It never ends, it just loops and loops, cycling through like that train I mentioned before. But what else is there to do? If one simply can’t be content with how things are, if it’s impossible to just simply be satisfied, maybe the answer is to just continue chasing god.
Maybe that’s the point. Maybe satisfaction and contentment are counter productive when it comes to living a life. Maybe we are supposed to be curious, maybe we are supposed to move throughout life. Maybe we are supposed to want more or want things to be different. Even though the beginning is the end, maybe these desires and discontent give motion to life, animating it from something static, to that of a dynamic existence. Maybe chasing God is the whole point. Maybe chasing God is the only point.
